So I was thinking last evening…

by djgorena

It was one of those nights. You know, the dark, cold and rainy nights (well, it wasn’t really raining at all, but it was somewhere other than where I was!). I could hear a slight rustle of wind blowing through the trees outside my window. And it struck me: It’s 3:30 in the morning and I’m still wide awake! I was sitting in my chair in the living room and I was watching different comedians on Netflix. I was laughing…I was laughing a lot! For the first time since my twin sister passed away, I was laughing a lot! Prior to my laughing, I was sitting in my chair thinking of Denise and I teared up–I cried. I often tear up when I am alone and my mind is with her. But I was laughing!

Now laughing is a great gift, don’t you think? I mean it really is a great gift that God has given to us and it helps us to be able to cope with various circumstances in our lives. After Denise died on June 27, 2014, I was in a very dark place. It seemed as if the walls were caving in around me. I have been halted in writing anything either on my blog (in which you find yourself reading) or in any of my journals or other writings. But today, although I’ve only had about two hours of sleep, I am free to write again.

This site is not really that large. I have a couple of thousand people who are currently following my blog from all over the world. I am blessed to be able to have that many people reading my musings. And many of you have responded to my grief over the last several months with direct comments of sympathy for my loss. I want to say “thank you” for your thoughts and prayers for me and for my family. It has been difficult this entire year. In fact, it has been the most difficult year of my life. I thought it was the most difficult year of Denise’s life as well. My parents went through the wringer watching their youngest daughter go from life to death. My oldest sister and three brothers all went through the wringer as well.

It was an amazing time. All of my family was together helping my twin sister Denise the last two months of her life. All of us were helping her, praying with her, talking with her, and laughing with her. There was one day when she was quite weak that she needed to go to the restroom. We had a walker for her to use when she stood up from her recliner in the living room. She walked slowly and one of us was behind her to ensure that she didn’t fall. Then, when she was walking back to her chair, she said that she wanted to do it by herself. Denise was very independent; she always has been. On her way to her recliner, she picked up the walker and danced all the way to her seat! Our entire family–who was so stressed out over everything that was going on with her–just began to guffaw! We laughed! We all really had a great, deep laugh! And then, I said to her, “You really don’t need this walker!” She laughed as her eyes glistened knowing that she won over her audience once again.

I laughed last night. I was laughing so hard at one point that my stomach was hurting. Watching comedy is funny. Then I stopped laughing and began to think of Denise again. Then I laughed again! I was thinking of all the things she used to do as a kid. I remember, during the days of women wearing wigs, my mother had a blonde afro wig. It was a great wig. Denise and I had just finished watching the movie “Annie” just a few short weeks before this incident. She spent a lot of time in her room practicing her flute, reading, writing, being creative. All of the rest of my family were in the den watching television. Then, all of a sudden, Denise jumped from the living room down the steps to the den with that blonde afro wig on her head and was singing: “The sun will come out tomorrow / Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow / there’ll be sun! / Tomorrow! Tomorrow!” We were all shocked and awed at her performance but there was nothing but a standing ovation for her performance!

Out of those places you will hear songs of thanksgiving and the sounds of laughter and merriment… (Jeremiah 30:19a)

I laughed last night. I needed to laugh. It was a good thing. And I laughed with Denise.

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