“I Don’t Like Organized Religion!”

I have decided that I don’t like Wal-Mart anymore because they are too organized. Every time I walk into one of the Supercenters, the aisles are clean and shelves are chocked full of items that are neatly stacked. If you go to the produce section of the Wal-Mart you will find all of the lemons together, all of the avocados together, and all of the bananas nicely placed on a tiered shelf. Then, when you go into housewares you will find all of the pillows, sheets, comforter sets and various sundries nicely organized. Oh, and let’s not forget the shoe department! Are you aware that they actually have all of the shoes organized according to size both for men and women? And that’s not all! They actually have sections in the clothing departments that are organized by men, women, boys and girls. I’m telling you that I don’t like organized department stores! I would rather that they just pile everything in the middle of the store so people can just fight over whatever they find in the pile. Now that would be shopping!

After going to Wal-Mart, I decided that maybe I just need to chill out. So I went to a Starbucks. But would you believe it? Their menus are organized! They have lattes, they have frappuccinos, they have teas, and they have pastries–and they are listed on the menu! Moreover, as I was about to order my no-water chai latte I discovered that they have a display of all sorts of breads and pastries. The breads are organized in such a way that you cannot order and pay without looking at just how stinking organized the whole display is. I mean to tell you that I don’t like how organized Starbucks is! Why can’t they just think about what they are doing and mess things up and leave things messy, dirty?

But that’s not all! I took my Toyota to the dealership to have it serviced. To my chagrin, when I pulled up to the service area, a service technician (I don’t know why we have to have titles! it seems too formal, too organized!) came to me with a clipboard. On the clipboard was an information sheet. He quickly took the VIN from just under the windshield on the driver’s side. He then asked me to step inside after telling me his name and telling me that he was “my service technician”, as if I actually own the guy or something. Then he proceeded, very methodically I might add, to take my information from me so I could have the car serviced. The next thing I knew I was being directed to sit in a well-lit, well-planned sitting area. It was organized! People were sitting there, watching an organized talk show on television, drinking their coffee and soda from the organized coffee and soda bar. Then…that’s right…then…there it was! A plate full of donuts and cookies nicely organized! At that point I thought to myself, “Methinks that everything around me is organized!”

So, with all of this in mind, I have decided that I am no longer going to go shopping at grocery stores unless they decide to disorganize their shelves. As far as Starbucks is concerned, until they don’t know how to make a good cup of no-water chai latte because of lack of training and doing things according to some kind of order, I’m going to refrain from partaking. And as far as my car, oh the nerve! It is beyond me that Toyota is so organized that my vehicle actually stops and goes depending on me pressing the gas pedal or brake pedal. How in the world can this car manufacturer be so thoughtless as to be so organized? Hmm? Answer me that!

Now, when it comes to religion…wait…all of the above is ridiculous. I know that God is the God of organization.

I think I’m starting to like Wal-Mart, Starbucks and Toyota again…