It is amazing that after five years I still mourn the loss of twin sister, Denise. Although I know that she is fine in Heaven–and I do believe that she is in Heaven–and although I know that she is healed from cancer, there are times that I just want to speak with her and hear her voice. She encouraged me. Yes, we had our moments of disagreement, sometimes heated disagreement, but she was always the one who asked for forgiveness first and apologized. I would always let it go just as she would and we were back to normal. She would always let me know that we were always best of friends and that we were always going to be just fine no matter what.
It’s true. She’s fine and I’m not doing too bad either. In fact, when she first passed away I thought that half of me died. We always referred to each other as “1/2” of each other. That is mostly found in identical twins; we were obviously not identical as she was a girl and I am a boy (and there’s no confusion about that!). I realized after about a year and half of her being gone that I’m 100% me! Even though I identified myself as 1/2 of another, I know that I am me and Denise was herself. When I finally came around to this thinking, I was relieved that half of me had not truly died with my twin sister. However, we did think alike. We would agree Biblically, theologically, politically, and philosophically. I understood her and she understood me. That’s rare it seems to have siblings actually understand each other. We had a lot of the same likes and dislikes. We had similar tastes in music, drama, action, and comedy. If there was one thing I loved to see was when she would laugh. Her eyes were get real squinty and her shoulders would go up and down from laughing so hard. It was great to see her laugh.
She was delicate and gentle but at the same time she could hold her own. She didn’t put up with people being rude to her and could snap back at them just as they snapped at her. Yet, she seemed to have so many friends. Whenever I went somewhere with her she always introduced me to someone as her twin brother and would let them know that we were close. When someone would ask if we were identical twins, I’d always respond, “No, but we look alike when she grows her beard!” She would always retort, “Or when he grows his hair out and puts it in pig tails!” We’d laugh and then as the person walked off we’d roll our eyes at each other because we’d heard the question so often in our lives.
We understood each other. I miss that. Death stinks when it’s your twin. Death stinks when it’s your closest friend. Death stinks when you miss someone so much that you can’t stop thinking about them so often. And, yet, I know that I will see her again. And when I see her again, we will understand each other more fully because we will be changed to be just like Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior (1 Corinthians 15:51, 52). We never truly understood everything about each other; we couldn’t even understand ourselves much less each other to the fullest. But we know the One who knows us perfectly well (Jeremiah 17:9, 10). He knows us–everything about who we are. She knew that and knows it perfectly well now! I know it but I don’t get it all right now.
Well, I’m just remembering her again today. I miss her. I love her more today than I ever have. I’m sure that I’ll love her more tomorrow and that I’ll miss her more. That will never go away.
I know that she loved flowers. I have a number of pictures of her sitting in fields of flowers. She was beautiful inside and out. There is no flower on this planet as fair as my twin sister.
2 thoughts on “Remembering”
This as well as the photographs and bio you wrote of your lives at her funeral are so touching to my soul. I pray you will continue to be healed from drastic event
Yes you will see her in Heaven but as you know, we are often left here in the pain and the question of “what ifs”. We love you Pastor and thank you for honoring her with your words
Thank you for your words of encouragement.