D.J. Gorena

It is amazing that after five years I still mourn the loss of twin sister, Denise. Although I know that she is fine in Heaven–and I do believe that she is in Heaven–and although I know that she is healed from cancer, there are times that I just want to speak with her and hear her voice. She encouraged me. Yes, we had our moments of disagreement, sometimes heated disagreement, but she was always the one who asked for forgiveness first and apologized. I would always let it go just as she would and we were back to normal. She would always let me know that we were always best of friends and that we were always going to be just fine no matter what.

It’s true. She’s fine and I’m not doing too bad either. In fact, when she first passed away I thought that half of me died. We always referred to each other as “1/2” of each other. That is mostly found in identical twins; we were obviously not identical as she was a girl and I am a boy (and there’s no confusion about that!). I realized after about a year and half of her being gone that I’m 100% me! Even though I identified myself as 1/2 of another, I know that I am me and Denise was herself. When I finally came around to this thinking, I was relieved that half of me had not truly died with my twin sister. However, we did think alike. We would agree Biblically, theologically, politically, and philosophically. I understood her and she understood me. That’s rare it seems to have siblings actually understand each other. We had a lot of the same likes and dislikes. We had similar tastes in music, drama, action, and comedy. If there was one thing I loved to see was when she would laugh. Her eyes were get real squinty and her shoulders would go up and down from laughing so hard. It was great to see her laugh.

She was delicate and gentle but at the same time she could hold her own. She didn’t put up with people being rude to her and could snap back at them just as they snapped at her. Yet, she seemed to have so many friends. Whenever I went somewhere with her she always introduced me to someone as her twin brother and would let them know that we were close. When someone would ask if we were identical twins, I’d always respond, “No, but we look alike when she grows her beard!” She would always retort, “Or when he grows his hair out and puts it in pig tails!” We’d laugh and then as the person walked off we’d roll our eyes at each other because we’d heard the question so often in our lives.

We understood each other. I miss that. Death stinks when it’s your twin. Death stinks when it’s your closest friend. Death stinks when you miss someone so much that you can’t stop thinking about them so often. And, yet, I know that I will see her again. And when I see her again, we will understand each other more fully because we will be changed to be just like Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior (1 Corinthians 15:51, 52). We never truly understood everything about each other; we couldn’t even understand ourselves much less each other to the fullest. But we know the One who knows us perfectly well (Jeremiah 17:9, 10). He knows us–everything about who we are. She knew that and knows it perfectly well now! I know it but I don’t get it all right now.

Well, I’m just remembering her again today. I miss her. I love her more today than I ever have. I’m sure that I’ll love her more tomorrow and that I’ll miss her more. That will never go away.

I know that she loved flowers. I have a number of pictures of her sitting in fields of flowers. She was beautiful inside and out. There is no flower on this planet as fair as my twin sister.

Whatever you do in this life is because of inclinations. An inclination is “a disposition or bent, especially of the mind or will; a liking or preference.”* It is something for which all of us struggle. We want to do this thing but instead we do this other thing. In other words, we don’t do what we want to do but do those things that we don’t want to do! Paul says this so clearly in Romans 7 because as great as an apostle that he was, he, too, struggled.

Now we will do whatever we are inclined to do. If we choose to do this or we choose to do that then it is because we were inclined to choose what we are doing. This is not by necessity a bad thing, but it is a thing which causes us to struggle because sometimes we know that we are doing the wrong thing or the sinful thing, but we still do it without regard to consequences–whether they are good or bad consequences. It is our natural bent to choose to do what we do.

There are those that believe that because we get to choose that we are free from any outside source or force. It is our choice as to whether or not we do whatever is inside of us and we are not biased by anything else. However, the reality is that the Bible teaches us that we are naturally inclined toward sin. Whatever we do it’s because we are inclined to do that thing. Our choices are not without bias. It is something that is innate because we are all with sin. Prior to salvation in Jesus Christ we have no problem with sin because it is something that comes naturally to us; it is innate. The Bible also describes us as being “slaves to sin” prior to salvation in Jesus Christ. This means that our inclination is going to be to do whatever we do because of the master whom we serve, namely sin.

Herein lies the problem with our inclination: once we come to salvation in Jesus Christ we still struggle because now we have a conflict between our sinful nature and our new nature in Jesus Christ. Our bent is still toward sin but now we also have a new bent toward Jesus Christ. However, whatever is going to bring us pleasure at a given moment is to what we will be inclined. In other words, that which brings us pleasure will be the choice that we choose to exercise because we do not want to be in pain nor do we want to do that which will cause us not to feel the pleasure.

So we still struggle with the sin that so easily ensnares us. It is common among all Christians even though the world expects for us to be completely perfect. As the old bumpersticker says, “Christians are not perfect, just forgiven!” As cliche as that may be, it is absolutely true. We will always have struggles between the flesh and the spirit. Again, Paul the apostle understood this. We will always struggle with our inclinations for pleasure over pain. We will always do that which is easier than that which is difficult. And what is so difficult? To crucify the flesh in order to live by the Spirit. That’s what’s so difficult for us to do. When Jesus said that we are supposed to take up our cross daily none of us want the pain of that. No one wants to have to work hard in this life. No one wants to fight the temptation but to give into it because it is the easiest road that we can take, that is, to just give into the inclination of the flesh. He was telling us that this battle between the flesh and the spirit is a constant battle and we need to stand firm in Him to win this battle. After all, He did win the battle: even though being tempted as we are He was and is without sin!

What do we do then? How shall we then live? We need to understand that through Jesus Christ we do have forgiveness of sin–all sin! We need to live our lives not beating ourselves up over our sin, but certainly confessing our sin and having a change of mind about our sin; this is called repentance. We need to then grow in the grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ and see that we truly can do all things through Him because He strengthens us. We need to take up our cross daily and crucify the desires of the flesh and live according to the Spirit of God. Is it difficult? Absolutely! This is why we see so many fall away from the faith because they stop fighting the temptations and just give into them. Will it forever be this hard? No, not forever. When we finally finish our race here then we will be completely free when we see Jesus Christ face to face. My only prayer is that He will say, “Well done, thy good and faithful servant.”

So we have inclination to do that which is easiest, that which brings us pleasure over pain. What will you do today? Will you give into the flesh or will fight the good fight and live by the Spirit? My prayer for you and for myself is that we will keep the fight going and that we will stand firm in Jesus Christ who strengthens us.

* DICTIONARY.COM UNABRIDGED BASED ON THE RANDOM HOUSE UNABRIDGED DICTIONARY, © RANDOM HOUSE, INC. 2019

With intrigue I was watching a major news station this morning and they showed two young men, junior high football players, helping an elderly lady who was wheelchair-bound. Apparently, she had crossed the street and could not move herself on the grass. This is when these two young men began to help her by pushing her through the grass to her final destination.

What was so intriguing about this is that it made headline news. Since when have good manners been made headline news? Could it be because good manners have seemed to go out the window? Is this such a rare occasion that we have forgotten how to help others, how to be kind to others, and how to think about others?

In many respects, good manners have gone out the window. I have to admit, sometimes my manners are not healthy either. I cannot sit here and act as if I am perfectly good mannered good natured all of the time. There are times that I am in a bad mood and am frustrated or irritated about this or that. And this is my conviction this morning: how have I not shown good manners to others? How have I contributed to the breakdown of our society–our community–because of a lack of good manners? It seems as if good manners have ceased to exist in different areas.

For instance, while driving, how many people continue to tailgate those who are actually doing the speed limit? Just this morning a very large truck was tailgating me while I was on my way to my office. Without any clue as to what I could have done, the driver stayed so close to my bumper for a number of miles even though there was room on either side of me to pass. If I had slammed on my brakes he would have been the one at fault and would have to pay for repairs, hospital bills, etc. And even though it is against the law to tailgate, he was not respecting the law nor was he respecting the idea of good manners when it comes to driving. Rather than tailgating, he could have gone around or he could have decreased his speed and not tailgated.

What about opening doors for others? It is amazing to me to see how you might open a door for someone and the rudeness of entitlement is seen and felt. The person for whom you open the door does not say “thank you” but walks through the door as if they are deserved the favor from you. People used to open doors for others without being asked or suggested. It was just common courtesy. If someone opened the door for someone else you would at least get some kind of acknowledgement. Nowadays, people just walk through without any regard for the one who is holding the door. And it is amazing when a whole group of people just walk through a doorway without acknowledging the one holding the door for their entire group.

What about the respect that we are to show toward those in authority over us? Police officers? Governmental officials? Clergy? Parents? In this “selfie” generation we are finding that there is no moral absolute, therefore, you can live like the hellion that you are without any regard for those in authority and it is all because their truth may not be your truth. Now there are people who are throwing buckets of water on police officers in New York City. ANTIFA is on the prowl seeking to harm anyone wearing a MAGA hat or anyone who does not agree with them. Whether you support the President or you do not, it is the Office of the President! Yes you have freedom of speech but with that freedom comes responsibility, yea, even civility, diplomacy, and good manners as well! But the rudeness of people who are against whatever they are against absolutely lacks good manners. People nowadays will openly say whatever they please to their clergy as well. It does not matter how mean one is because in their minds the minister is supposed to simply accept it, put up with it, and love the person no matter what they say or do. How soon the laymen forget that Jesus even said to do unto others as you would have them do unto you. And let us not forget the parents. Have you been to a grocery store lately? The children who speak against their parents is in epidemic proportions. But why? I dare say it is because they see that their parents have no manners either.

I have two sons. They are aged thirteen and eight. I have the responsibility of helping to raise them to be gentlemen. It is my responsibility to train them to open doors for their mother so later on when they are married they will open doors for their wives and train their children to have manners. It is my responsibility to teach them to acknowledge adults who are speaking to them with “yes sir” and “no ma’am” or “yes ma’am” and “no sir.” It is my responsibility to help them to understand politics and policies that our governmental agencies place upon us and to respect governing authorities over us. It is my responsibility to help them to honor their father and mother as parents so that when they have their own children, they will be able to train up their children in the way that they should go.

Good manners are necessary for a society to function at its best. Without these manners, we will simply go the way of the barbarians. Respect goes hand in hand with good manners. The respect that we show for others will help us to help society to be a good and decent society. It is with this in mind that we need to show good manners toward each other. A simple “yes ma’am” or “no sir” will suffice. A simple “thank you” when someone does something nice for you will be grand. A simple act of respect for the police officer who sacrificially places himself in harm’s way to protect you will go a long way. A simple debate on policy and not on a person who holds a political office would be nice. Let us show character by not attacking a person but a policy. Perhaps it will help all of us as we seek to better ourselves and our society as a whole.

I am thankful for these two young men pushing this elderly lady in a wheelchair through the grass. It is a helpful reminder that good manners are not dead and maybe it would behoove us all to show some kindness, respect, love, grace, and mercy today. We can do this by having good manners toward each other.