I love to go to the movies. Today, after eating lunch with a cousin of mine who visited my church even though I wasn’t there, we were able to take the family to a movie. We saw Ant Man & The Wasp. Now for my two sons I’m sure that it was a great movie. For me it is always difficult to go to the picture show. I guess since I’ve gotten older, I really don’t do well with movies on the big screen. The lights bother me and the loudness of the theater bothers me–and the cinemuck everywhere, and especially on the floor, bothers me.

The screens at movie theaters are huge. No one in their right mind would have a screen that large in their home (I’m sure that there are those multi-gazillionaires who have screens that large or even larger in their “theater rooms”, but I just don’t see the need). I think a good-sized screen is no bigger than a 50-55″. It bothers me to watch the big screen because I see everything that is going on in the movie shot. I know not everyone sees everything, but I can point things out on a screen that no one else even realizes was in the shot. My mind just goes on overload after a while. So if I go to the movie theater, I have to sit as far away from the screen as I can. The brightness really is too much in some scenes where I just close my eyes and cover my eyes. My wife makes fun of me when I do this.

Well, today the only seats that were available to us were the handicap seats: you know the seats that are in the big aisle as people are streaming in and out of the theater? It was too close for comfort for me. After all, I had already been in a church service with two large screens because I couldn’t see the speaker all that clearly from the far away seat where I was sitting. I think I was “screened” out for the day after that.

Then the loudness of the movie itself. Do movie theaters really have to be that loud? I know that I am hard of hearing. I don’t just have selective hearing. I have real hearing issues. There are some tones that I just cannot hear any longer while other tones I can hear just perfectly. But when you’re in a movie theater, you hear it all! I mean you H-E-A-R I-T A-L-L! It’s so loud that I think it is producing more hearing loss in my ears. My ears are ringing right now…wait…that’s the phone…I’ll be right back…

So you can hear everything perfectly well throughout the entire movie because it’s so loud. I can’t even turn up my own television that loud. Granted, I have a sound bar connected to it, but it’s still not as loud as that. I guess the movie industry wants us to feel what’s happening by having the sound the way it is. Well, believe you me, you can feel every thumpidy thump and every churn and turn and everything else. My ears are old. They like to have quiet nowadays.

And what about the cinemuck? Have you ever seen just how much stuff is left behind in a movie theater? I know that the reclining seats in the movie theater are an added attraction nowadays. The seats are much more comfortable when you can stretch out your legs and recline to watch the movie. The idea is to make you feel like you’re at home if you have recliners at home. It works for a lot of people. They do have recliners and they like to recline when they’re watching tv or a movie or whatever. But I ask you with all sincerity of heart: What germs are left behind for us? Who knows what the people who have sat in those recliners have done in those recliners? Germs! They’ve left germs, people! Granted, I left mine as well, but my germs shouldn’t be mixing with other people’s germs and vice versa!

I remember my mother and stepfather took us to a movie theater in their small town. I think it was called the Fain Theater. It was a one movie theater. When we walked in the theater, you could smell the oldness of the place. There was a pile of armrests for the seats and the seats themselves were kind of stinky, musty smelling. I didn’t want anything to eat from the concessions, but I did want something to drink–as long as it was in a bottle. I wiped it clean with my shirt. I just kept imagining that in the dark corner of that theater the Blob was there waiting to blob us and kills us. Then, from stepping off the carpet in the aisle to the floor in the aisle where our seats were, CINEMUCK! I lost a shoe! I was concerned about losing my sock and then I’d have to step in the CINEMUCK! So I hopped out all the way–after the movie! After all, we paid $5.25 per ticket and the drinks were $6.00 a piece! I personally think the Blob got the shoe and it may have made it sick!

Movies. It’s a love/hate relationship with me.

Published by D.J. Gorena

Follower of Jesus Christ, husband, dad, pastor, and twinless twin.

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