The Great Potato Mystery – Part Deux

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Approximately at 4:30 a.m. this very morning, my eldest sister, Dina, texted the family with this comment:

The truth must be revealed.

I agree. Whomever sent my mother the anonymous potato for her 76th birthday which occurs on August 31, 2018, must make herself/himself known. I put it that way because I still believe that it is my sister, Dina, who ordered the potato and is setting me up. After speaking and/or texting both of my two older brothers, the only other person that it could be is my younger brother, Richard.

With that said, I realize that my eldest sister, Dina, and my youngest brother, Richard, are very close to each other. And because of this, it could be that they are both in cahoots with each other. The shenanigans that these two hooligans get into are common, primordial, and even against the very grain of which I have in my mind, soul, and body.

However, I must admit, this is the greatest prank ever committed against me since I am being unwittingly blamed for such antics as ordering an anonymous potato for my dear sweet mother. Rather, I would buy her diamonds and gold for each successive year of her life out of sheer love for her and admiration for the nobility which resides with her (of course I don’t have that kind of money, so I bought her a birthday card and am looking for something made in China or Mexico to give to her). And, not only would I buy her diamonds and gold, I would not do anything which to cause her consternation to the point of insanity.

So who would do this? Perhaps–and I say this with all sincerity–I think that the two siblings mentioned in this post might just do something like this. And why? Because of being my mother’s favorite child, that’s why! They cannot stand to think that I have been her favorite all along. You read that right! All along I have been her favorite and it’s because of the capacity of my love towards her. No, I would not give her high jinks such as these two. On the contrary, I could only shower the most honorable mother I have ever known.

So, with these words, again, I attest to my innocence. Both my Associate Pastor and my wife have attested to my innocence. That is three witnesses to the fact that I am just as surprised by the spoof that Dina and Richard are trying to pull on my dear old sweet mother. Her neurosis at this point is too unbearable and, yet, they continue with monkeyshines. And for who’s benefit? I can only imagine that it is for their own benefit.

Why I remember a time when my eldest sister and I were traveling with my dear sweet mother to California. She hatched a plan to prank my mother. She said in no uncertain terms, “I think this will be a doozy!” She told my mother to put my plastic bottle and her aluminum can in her purse so she could turn them in and be paid in California to help pay for her ticket. Then Dina told my dear saint of a mother to ask the flight attendant for the bag of cans and bottles after he picked them up from the entire plane so she could turn them in to help pay for her plan ticket. As my memory serves me oh so correctly, the conversation went something like this:

Dina:  Mom, he will give you that bag full of plastic bottles and aluminum cans so you can turn them in when we arrive at our desired destination in California. It will help you to make up some money for the plane ticket that you purchased with your hard-earned money.

Mom:  Really, Dina? I am sure that you would not try to pull a dirty gag such as this because I am your dear sweet saint of a mother.

Dina:  That’s right, mother dear. I would never do anything like this to you because you are a woman whose children have risen to call her blessed!

Mom:  Okay. I’ll ask him. Excuse me, kind sir, after picking up the plastic bottles and aluminum cans, may I have that trash bag so I can turn them in when we arrive at our desired destination in California? It will certainly help me to pay for my overpriced airfare.

Flight Attendant (with everyone sitting around my mother, starting to laugh at her): Excuse me?

Mom:  My daughter (points to Dina across the aisle) said that you would be willing to give said bag of said bottles and cans to help pay for my overpriced airfare to our desired destination in California.

Dina:  What?!? I’ve never seen this woman before in my life!!

Mom:  Wha…wha…whaaaaaaaaaat?!?

Of course I urged my eldest sister, Dina, not to pull the prank on my dear saint of a mother, but did she listen? By no means! Rather, she gave me an elbow to the ribs and told me to sit there and be quiet!

This is my story…and I’m sticking to it!

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