Well, well, well…the truth has been revealed. You see, late this afternoon some news popped in my text messages. It was from my eldest sister, Dina. Yep! You guessed it! She admitted to nothing, but I still have it figured out. You see, she keeps defending the “angelest of us all”, that is, my younger brother Richard. Richard is a mild-mannered fellow. In fact, everyone that meets Rich (as he so lovingly is called) loves him because of his generosity, hospitality, and graciousness. He really is a good fellow.
However, I would never tell anyone that they have a “good” heart or that someone is “good-hearted.” I have my reason right here:
The heart is more deceitful than anything else, and incurable–who can understand it? i, Yahweh, examine the mind, i test the heart to give to each according to his way, according to what his actions deserve. (Jeremiah 17:9-10, HCSB)
The heart is more deceitful than anything else, and that tells me that Rich’s heart is deceitful. While I was so ignominiously being accused of such a dastardly deed, my brother was sitting back enjoying himself and seeing all the mischief that he created by said deceitful heart that is deceitful more than anything else in this whole wide world. I on the other hand, asserting my innocence, was being played the buffoon, the nerd, the stooge, the dolt…I think you get the point. And the whole time I knew that it had to be he or my eldest sister of whom I am fond of more now than ever before simply because I now see her innocence in the affair…
Or do I?
Again, I know that Dina and Richard are very close. Could she be setting up Rich as she did me on the airplane that dreadful day that she punked my sweet saint of a mother, Fran, on our way to our desired destination in California? Could it be that she, in her forgery, her hatching of this contemptible deed has turned the tables on my brother Richard? Well, I would not put it past her one bit.
You see, why would she just spill the beans today? Granted, after all of our texting throughout the day yesterday and today, my eldest brother told us to stop texting him while he is working, but that is beside the point. Why would she just tell me out of the clear blue that Richard is the culprit. She alleges that Rich confessed to her last evening and even sent her a picture of his notification that said spud had been delivered to good old mother dear (see below).
Now notice some of the details in this screen shot. First, it simply says The last item in your order has been delivered. Secondly, there is no name associated on this screenshot; it just says AnonymousPotato to me. Who is the me in this screenshot? Could it be Rich’s? Or could it be Dina? Thirdly, how do I know that Rich has T-Mobile or that Dina has T-Mobile? Could it be that one has another carrier and the other has T-Mobile? Well, the possibility is a valid one indeed. And who is most likely to blame someone else instead of H-E-R-S-E-L-F or himself? (<—BIG clue!)
So I believe that I have solved the mystery of the great potato! It goes something like this:
Appearances often are deceiving!
You see, the appearance that Dina has shaded herself in is that of innocence. She is the antagonist in this mystery. She is the one who is competing with another–the protagonist which happens to be me! And why would she cause this estrangement between us? Because, as I said in my last post, I am my dear sweet angel and saint of a mother’s favorite child. I can’t help it. That’s just the way it is. She can try to compete for first place, but there is no first place before me because I am in first place. I have won!
Let me put it another way: I have humbly accepted this seat of favoritism. I have labored day-in and day-out, jockeying, vying, and ever looking to supersede my siblings. And I have with all humility accepted the cherished and prized position of being the favorite to my dear old mother whose birthday is tomorrow.
So send the spuds! The party is just about to begin! My party…wait…I mean the party for my mother’s birthday!
Did I mention it’s tomorrow?!?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOMMY! I LOVE YOU!!!!!
(It was Dina…and Richard…just like you and I thought it was!!!!)