What Not To Say to Your Pastor

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Too often there are many things said to pastors that really shouldn’t be said. This has occurred to me since I have been in ministry now for twenty-nine years. This of course is not the easiest of articles to write either, but I think something needs to be said for the many of us who prepare sermons and preach them on a weekly basis. After all, we are brothers in Christ, called of God to the task of pastoring, teaching and preaching, and we pour our hearts and souls into what we do–at least we ought to be pouring our hearts and souls into it. We are not the “head” of the church; that position belongs to our King, Jesus Christ. We are actually part of the body of believers, undershepherds to our Great Shepherd. So here is what not to say to your pastor:

  1. You stepped on my toes today, preacher. Now I know that sounds like a compliment, something that some preachers like to hear, and perhaps so. But it is not the intention of pastors to step on anyone’s toes. Nevertheless, when God’s Word is being preached it will inevitably step on someone’s toes and make them feel uncomfortable. This means that you should start examining yourself to see if there is something sinful in you. The psalmist said it like this: Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my anxieties; and see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting (Psalm 139:23-24). Rather than saying that the pastor stepped on your toes, tell him of the conviction that God has placed upon your heart and mind because of the moving of the Holy Spirit through the message preached so he can pray with you and and minister to you in the Lord.
  2. I disagree with your message. You’re not expected to agree with absolutely everything that the preacher preaches. I get it. Every preacher gets it. We don’t have the corner market on complete absolute truth. But have you ever stopped and asked yourself, “Knowing that the pastor has studied all week-long for his sermon today, could it be that he actually knows more about this subject than I?” If the answer is ‘no,’ then maybe you need to consider what Paul the apostle said: All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work (2 Timothy 3:16-17). Notice that the ‘Scriptures’ are what is necessary for correction, not your interpretation of a passage or your disagreement or whatever else you may be thinking. A pastor needs gentle correction from the Word of God just as much as you do. Consider how you may do this showing him the kindness and love that he needs. Remember this rule? “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Consider this better still, “Say unto others what you would have them say to you.”
  3. I really wish you would’ve said this in your message today. Have you ever stopped to consider that perhaps the pastor thought about saying that very thing but the Lord told him not to? There are always issues in the church that need to be addressed, but that doesn’t mean that they need to necessarily be addressed from the pulpit. Moreover, timing on certain things is of utmost importance. Perhaps the pastor knows that he needs to wait to say what it is that you think he needs to say at a different time in a different way than what you might be thinking. Micaiah the prophet said: As the Lord lives, whatever the Lord says to me, that I will speak (1 Kings 22:14). Stop and consider the time and preparation that your pastor puts into his sermons and lessons. His main goal is to say that which the Lord has said to him. We as pastors don’t want to say anymore or any less than what our Lord Jesus Christ desires. This means that you don’t have to tell him what he should and should not have said in his message. Moreover, it may be that you missed what the Lord was saying because you focused so much on what you thought he should’ve said.
  4. I don’t think that you should’ve preach that message here. Really? Refer to #3 above.
  5. Are you busy? I don’t mean to interrupt you. It’s a simple question. Most of the time the answer is just as simple: “Yes.” The pastor is always busy. He’s either preparing sermons or he’s visiting with people. He’s either driving to meet someone for lunch or he’s sharing the Good News of King Jesus to someone he just met. Or he’s actually takes a day off to be with his family and he needs that time as much as you do when you have your day off of work. And by the way, just be honest enough to say that you mean to interrupt him. It’s alright to be forthright with him. But by all means, don’t interrupt him after a service if he’s ministering to someone else. Either wait your turn, send him a text or email sometime that day or week, or call him when you know that he’s available. Give him a chance to think through what it is that you’re saying to him or what you’re asking of him. Moreover, don’t be surprised if he doesn’t have the time right then to answer. That’s what voicemail is for which means you don’t have to call, hangup, call again, hangup, and then call again and finally leave a message. Leave a message the first time. You might just be interrupting a witnessing opportunity or his prayer or study time. Don’t expect for him to have all the answers for you either. His main goal is this: And He Himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers, for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ, till we all come to the unity of the faith and the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, that we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness by which they lie in wait to deceive, but speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head–Christ–from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love (Ephesians 4:11-16). The pastor wants you to grow in the grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ; and if he can be of help to you in this regard, he wants to be the one to help. Nevertheless, just be mindful of his time. He realizes that your time is just as valuable to you.

Now don’t mistake this post. This is not a gripe session or a complaint. It’s something for you to think about. It’s something for pastors and congregants to think about.

So here’s your assignment: 1) If you’re a pastor, what else do you think congregants shouldn’t say to pastors? Explain the reason(s) you think what your answer is. 2) If you’re a congregant, how can you encourage your pastor today or this week? Explain the reason(s) you think what your answer is.

There will be a forthcoming post on what pastors ought not say to their congregants.

My Grandfather’s Birthday

DJ GORENA
Dionicio Juan Gorena

Have you ever had that special someone in your life that just meant so much to you? I mean someone who really made an impact on you like no one else really has? That person for me was my Grandfather, Dionicio Juan Gorena. He was a father, grandfather, uncle, brother, and friend. He taught the Bible, picked people up weekly to attend church services with him, preached, taught, and even sang in the choir. (He used to say that he sang “bass” [like the fish]. People would look at him funny but I would sit there and laugh!) He took time to help people, provide for his family (he and my Grandmother had 17 children), and then he would even give money and stuff away to anyone who had need. This is who my Grandfather was.

But there was something even more important to me than all of the things mentioned above. The most important thing for me is that he taught my Father, David Juan Gorena, the Scriptures. Daily my Father would sit at my Grandfather’s table while he taught my Dad the Scriptures. I would go to my Grandparents home when I could and sit and listen to them talk to each other. It was mostly in Spanish, but I could catch here and there what they were talking about. I shall never forget the times that I would see my Grandfather reach for his Bible and he would read something to my Father then explain the passage to him. My Father would contemplate what his Dad taught him and would discuss with him what he was learning.

In turn, when I was in 6th or 7th grade, my Dad started to take me to Mr. Donut, a local donut shop where we lived, at 10:00 p.m. Now that was supposed to be my bedtime, but he thought it would be good take me there, buy me a chocolate donut with coconut sprinkles on it with a pint of chocolate milk, and he would buy himself a cup of coffee. (My Dad could drink coffee all day long; I used to think that is why he always looked so tanned!) After sitting down at the table, my Dad would pull out a pocket Bible and have me read a passage of Scripture to him. After reading the text, my Dad would then sit and explain to me what that passage meant. He took the time to teach me, to train me, just like his Dad, my Grandfather, did.

This is one of the most important times in all of my life. It all started with my Grandfather, Dionicio Juan Gorena, who taught my Father, David Juan Gorena, who in turn taught me. Both of these men have made the greatest impact on me.

Now let me tell you the reason that my Grandfather taught my Father and in turn the reason that my Father taught me:

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. (Deuteronomy 6:5-9)

My Grandfather and my Father both took this to heart. They not only learned the what God said in His Word, the Bible, but then they lived it out by teaching me what it says. My prayer, now that I am a Dad, is that I will teach my two sons what it is that I learned from my Grandfather and Father.

In the meantime, happy birthday, Grandpa! I love you and miss you but know that you are having the time of your life in eternity with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ!

Anger: How to Get Rid of It!

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Have you noticed how it seems that there are so many angry people in today’s society? Everywhere you look it seems that people are upset about little stuff . . . and big stuff, too! I remember that I was driving down the highway and a guy decided to cut in front of me. My reaction to the dude was, “What an idiot! He could have made me crash into him or someone else!” Then, not but just a few moments later, another guy that was hauling some furniture in the back of his truck had a chair fly out of it and I almost hit the chair in the middle of the highway. So I sharply said, “What an idiot! I live in a world of idiots!” Without delay, my wife quickly looked at me and said, “And you’re the king of it!” Now I’m sure that you’re already laughing at the situation, but get this next statement that she said to me: “I’ve been waiting to use that for so long now!!”

At any rate, anger really is an issue in today’s society. But it’s not just society. It’s an issue with me as an individual. What I mean by this confession is that anger has been a real part of my life for so many years. Whether it was something that someone said or did to me that angered me or the feeling of loss or something stupid that I’ve said or done, anger has been there. It rests deep within my heart, and I know that it’s there. It’s not the easiest of things to admit to anyone. Think of your own status in life. Are you dealing with anger? Perhaps you’re angry about the direction America is heading toward. Or perhaps you’re angry with your wife/husband/children. What about the jerk that you have to call “Boss” or “Mr. So-so”? He comes into the office with such a high and mighty attitude toward you and everyone else and treats you like a doormat. Anger has set in and it is something that is seated in the heart of man.

So how do you handle it? What are you supposed to do to get passed the hurt, the loss, the stealing, the lying, or whatever else is causing anger to spring up in your heart and mind? How are we supposed to deal with what is deep-rooted in our hearts and minds? Well, here’s a list of things that I think we need to consider when it comes to dealing with anger. And this list is not exhaustive by any means. Moreover, as you well know if you read this blog, I will refer to the Scriptures for the answers to the questions posed.

  1. First, realize that not all anger is sinful or evil. For instance, God is angry with the wicked according to Psalm 7:11. He actually gets angry with His people at times. Consider that He was angry with King Solomon in 1 Kings 11:9 and He was angry with His people Israel in 2 Kings 17:18. Even Jesus Christ was angry at times as in Mark 3:5 when He was angered with the Pharisees. There is such a thing as “righteous” anger and because these verses deal specifically with God’s anger, we know and believe that His anger is always righteous because His very character is righteous in perfection and without limitation. Moreover, although He has righteous anger, He is also patient and shows loving-kindness to us as in Psalm 63:3 and 69:16. For this I am most grateful.
  2. Second, realize that we need to learn to be slow to get angry. A quick-tempered man does foolish things according to Proverbs 14:16-17, but a wise man is going to shun evil and fear the Lord. Additionally, a quick-tempered man is going to display folly while the wise man is going to be patient and have great understanding according to Proverbs 14:29. The best thing for us to do is to be quick to listen and slow to anger according to James 1:19-20. James tells us that a “man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”
  3. Next, realize that love covers a multitude of sins. Love really overlooks a lot of bad stuff that goes on in people’s lives. Hatred caused by anger on the other hand only stirs up strife and dissension according to Proverbs 10:12. When a man is full of anger he’ll show his annoyance at once and it makes him out to be a fool; but a prudent man is going to overlook an insult according to Proverbs 17:9. If a man is wise instead of living by anger, he will show his wisdom in being patient and overlooking an offense according to Proverbs 19:11.
  4. Fourth, sharp and uncalled-for words are only going to stir up strife and dissension. Proverbs 15:1 teaches us that a gentle answer turns away wrath. Sharp words and angry words (even the tones that we use) will stir up anger not only in us but in those who are having to listen to us rage on and on.
  5. Finally, we need to learn to be self-controlled. Proverbs 25:28 says, “Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control.” When one is hot-tempered he not only stirs up strife and dissension, but he also commits so many other sins due to his uncontrolled anger according to Proverbs 29:22. In other words, uncontrolled anger leads to many other sins for which we will be held to account.

Ouch! I hate to admit it, but these five suggestions are hitting home to me. I see where I have failed in this area of not dealing with my anger properly. Or should I say where I have failed in this area of not really dealing with it at all! But the great news is that God is forgiving, reconciling and restoring. Read what He tells us in 1 John 1:9:

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Isn’t that wonderful news? I can read all of these verses that change the hearts and minds of men so that anger will not be deep-rooted but will be plucked out and uprooted altogether. It doesn’t mean that I won’t ever get angry again, but at least I have a direction to go and a place to turn for relief from anger; not just my own anger, but even anger from others around me.

So what about you? How do you handle anger? What suggestions would you have to handle anger properly? Any stories that you’d like to share to help others?