So I have been with my twin sister today–most of the day. I have watched her interact with my family members and some of her friends that have come by to visit with her. She’s amazing. This past week I thought I was going to lose her. Now that Denise is at home she seems to be thriving. I know–we know–that there is limited time. But the time that we have is the time that we have. I am wanting to spend as much time as I can with my twin sister. She has amazing strength.
I told my Dad today, “I feel like 1/2 of me is dying, Dad.” He said something to me that I shall never forget. He said, “No, Son! Your 1/2 is simply going to another place where there is no more pain and no more tears.” He has amazing strength.
I needed to be reminded of that. Denise has given me another word that I believe is so important. I told her before I left for vacation that I had two concerns: 1) she is my main concern; and, 2) the price of gas out west. She said in no uncertain terms, “Den, I’m going to keep living so you need to keep living, too!” Those words have been playing in my mind over and over and over…and it’s her voice! Again, she has amazing strength.
Then my oldest sister, Dina, is taking such great care of my twin sister. She helps my twin sister with pain medicine, anti-nausea medication, and other stuff. She exhibits the same strength that Denise has. And for what reason? It is because of my Mom! When you look at the women in my immediate family they all have the same strength! It’s amazing to see it played out. Dina, Denise and Mom have amazing strength.
My two older brothers–David and Dathan–are equally amazing to me. David keeps everyone in stitches. He is one of the smartest people who I have ever known. His wit is sharp. Then, out of the clear blue sky, David will be quoting Scripture or encouraging us to continue to look to the Lord in good and bad times. David has amazing strength.
Dathan is compassionate and caring for my twin sister. He is one of the greatest listeners that I have ever known. I love to see him interacting with us individually because no one else is as important to him as the one speaking with him at that point. I have learned that trait from him when I am speaking with different people in ministry. Dathan has amazing strength.
Then there’s Richard. He is the most gentle brother that I have. He is always watching and listening and helping everyone and anyone with whom he comes into contact. His kind words and his concern for each of us is tremendous. Plus, Richard just has common sense advice for us when we ask him. Richard has amazing strength.
Then there’s me. In and of myself I must admit that I am a weakling. I have a veneer that says that I can handle it. But deep inside of me I am wailing. Deep inside I feel as if I can’t handle it. But then there is a small still voice that says differently. It is not just any voice that I hear. I believe that the still small voice is that of the Lord. He reminds me that I am right about being a weakling apart from Him. He reminds me that I cannot love others apart from loving Him. He reminds me that it is not a matter of Him putting more on me than I can bear. Rather, He reminds me that He is not going to put any more on me than He can bear. He reminds me that when I am weak He is strong. He reminds me that His grace is sufficient to see me through. Essentially, the Lord has amazing strength.
I am reminded of this strength in Psalm 46:
1 God is our refuge and strength, a helper who is always found in times of trouble. 2 Therefore we will not be afraid, though the earth trembles and the mountains topple into the depths of the seas, 3 though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with its turmoil. Selah
4 There is a river–its streams delight the city of God, the holy dwelling place of the Most High. 5 God is within her; she will not be toppled. God will help her when the morning dawns. 6 Nations rage, kingdoms topple; the earth melts when He lifts His voice.
7 The LORD of Hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our stronghold.
8 Come, see the works of the LORD, who brings devastation on the earth, 9 He makes wars cease throughout the earth. He shatters bows and cuts spears to pieces; He burns up the chariots. 10 “Stop your fighting–and know that I am God, exalted among the nations, exalted on the earth.”
11 The Lord of Hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our stronghold. Selah
D.J. Gorena 
My thoughts and prayers are with you my brother.
Matilda, thank you for your expression of love toward my twin sister, my family and me. I simply ask that you pray that we see God’s sufficiency through this.
Denny I’m going to share some similar thoughts about how you feel.
When my mother was passing on I too felt this incredible jealousy mixed with anger. I went over to my mother and asked her to please relate my feelings and accept my apology for the way I was feeling. I was asking for forgiveness for being left behind for not being chosen at that particular time. I too was jealous. I told her it was not fair. I love Jesus as much as you do. I want to be with him. I’m jealous and angry because today he chooses you and I will be passed up. I won’t be chosen today.
She smiled and shook her head and said “It’s because my work is finished and you still have work to do.”
I hope what my mother told me on the day of her birth will help you in some way.
Love in Christ
Matilda
Thank you, Matilda. One thing though, I’m not angry. I’m simply saddened by the fact that I won’t be able to see her here. She also always beat me at every race! She’s beating me to the victory, and for this I’m grateful.
Your words are always encouraging. Thank you, Matilda!